Tuesday, 14 June 2011


Let's be honest. Today I did nothing.
And yet, it's not a complete loss.

I resigned from my job on Thursday last week. I am determined that my boss' daughter, who I lived with and worked with...and began my weight loss journey with...would not see how they crushed me.
Today, I discovered that because my boss had lent me $2500 (and has decided that my resignation makes this amount payable immediately), I will work for 3 weeks and earn nothing.
So for the next month, I will survive on the coins on my floor and the things in my room.

And I will be honest. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Sometimes, it makes me a little unhinged. Often, it makes me compulsively eat...but that is an excuse, and there is no room for excuses here. I have been in darkness so deep that I laughed at the thought of my own death. It would have pleased me for it to all be over. It would have taken nothing to push me there.

Today, I did nothing. But I guess that is the point. Sometimes, to win, all you have to do is nothing. Sometimes all you have to do is keep the night light on, when everything around you seems black as night. You don't have to pretend you're happy. You don't even have to be happy.
Trust that you are amazing, and it will get better. Or don't. Just sleep on it.

It works for weight loss too. Some weeks, you won't lose at all. Some months you won't. As long as you don't gain what you've already struggled to lose, and you're still feeling good...nothing else matters.

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