Bitterness

Yesterday, I grieved what I thought was the loss of a beautiful, strong and brilliant woman.
Really, I should have been grieving not the loss of her, but my own realisation that she wasn't lost at all...she had just been hiding.

It's funny, because I remember my ex husband telling me that I was not a woman because I was fat.

It is that comment, and others like it, that I have hidden in the fat that hides the beautiful, strong and brilliant woman inside.

If I say it often enough, hopefully eventually it will become something I think unconsciously, rather than something I have to keep reminding myself of.

She's there. She's just hiding because it's easier than realising that she was there all along...even when I was at my largest..